Sold your soul yet?

At the end of the day, I hate everything. I don't like eating at all. Today I felt, I eat for free and I don't even think about the eatables , who brings them, who cooks them and why?. I'm being mean to myself now, it is totally mean. I'm passing through the worst time these days, it is hard to breathe, weird to plan anything, can't and don't feel like to open books. Honestly speaking Ive never felt this alone, I hate my playlists, hate my phone , anything , everything. I don't want to write, seriously. I will edit the previous entry.


Good night.

Time 1:53, I'm sad, I'm broken , I'm feeling stupid. Scrobbled Trains and Blackest eyes is going on, well In Absentia is something you can't resist. She is shivering, sad , even cried. I think I'm getting better and improving day by day but the problem is , Ive to fall every time to learn something new. That is stupid and Im kind of tired. 15th she had half bottle of Glucose injected , 4 injections including two biggy and one tiny and believe it or not she didn't shout, I was there holding her left hand tightly ;) it was funny when she asked Nurse if it was permissible to shout in the emergency ward haha. Well, we were running out of cash so I got a chance to drive like the heroes in the movie and rushed to Central Bank ATM, since Indian Bank ATM outside our DPT is useless, I've never seen it because of the huge crowd as if they provide a laddu with a 10 ka 5star. Yes, blood test hua, X-ray bhi and it was all about dry cough, chest muscle strain and anemic, doctor prescribed 2 tablets, one capsule and a bottle syrup. We already submitted our Shimla trip fee and Sir, noticed her bandage on the right hand where glucose was injected, trip got canceled , madam got pissed and gussa nikala, gussa kiya. Meri galti hi nikli. She yelled at a pig on her phone "bachogi nahi tum" . Today she has a train at 130pm and Im sad, Ive no idea what Im. I want to go with her but with what face, I don't know. I cant go like this. I will go by myself, Im still sad, I dont want to write but nobody is talking to me even she isnt. Nobody talks to me anyway. Today it was wonderful, beautiful and everyful to eat the last plate of chole bhature feels like blessed man. A third one always walks with us. My kidney thing is again up, they hurt at times, I better go otherwise. Asif's friends didnt miss anything to piss me off, well it happens, Ill be careful next time.

Neend nahi aa rahi hai, mann nahi lag raha hai, bhook to lagti hi nahi hai aajkal, guitar mai mann nahi hai, padhne se koi wassta hi nahi hai, mood kharab kharab rehta hai.

-------------A day when you run and drive way too much and get a client who promises to make the payment on the delivery and refuses to make the full payment and asks you to come next day after 3'oclock is something which you won't really like, would you? You take your younger brother who is upset for nothing and has an exam of Economics next day, to Dominos for a medium pizza and you request his if he minds allowing my best friend to join me.It just doesn't sound good, it is beautiful when illegaly three occupies a 160cc bike and even without helmet, mashallah the driver sb. is 17 and drive wihout any license, come on who care when you drive around a few kilometers of your university campus and home, you can yell at the traffic police or that freaking cab printed 100 guys in khaki wardi "aap ke liye aap ke saath" (for you and with you). Yes!! the scene, you order two times and cancel them and order something new different , you turn back while you pay and see your younger brother sitting on a pipe and your best friend standing five miles away from him and their faces like red pumpkins with influenza or something, I wish if I could use names like Medulla Obloganta or some stupid names which can describe their faces. Honestly speaking, I've these two small people in my life who are alike and both of them carry dimples on their chubby cheeks, one thing is clear you can't be angry with them for more than 20 minutes beacause they really compel you to smile and second you must be sorry to them even if it is your fault because you've no choice. I love you two too much, soo much, even more I guess the most, hope you two could know one day.Lately I found really interesting and beautiful hindi songs, among them I'm in soo much inclined towards title track of Tum Mile, Dhadke Jiya,Aaj din chadheya and Kaise mujhe tum milgayi and many more, apparently they are really beautiful, aren't they? I would love to dedicate a song for these two kids where "tu hi" = "tum dono hi" hahaha. *

Tu hi meri hai saari zameen : (You’re my every* land)*entire
Chahe kahin se chalun: (I would walk from anywhere)
Tujh mein hi aake ruku: (I would stop at you only)
Tere siva Main jaun kahan : (Where would I go except you?)
Koi bhi raah chunu : (I would choose any path)
Tujh mein hi aake ruku: (I would stop at you only)

Tum Mile To Lamhein Tham gaye: (when you met the moment froze*) *stable
Tum mile to Saare gum gaye:(when you met the entire sorrow disappeared )
Tum mile to muskhurana aa gaya: (when you met I learnt how to smile)

Well well well, you eat pizza , then chicken roll, then shawarmas then finally you get her a choco fudge brownie, her all time favourite. She is so much disturbed these days, she doesn't want me to go to the IIT Moodindigo concert, I don't , I really don't want to miss it, even her mom adviced me not to go, thanks to her and God bless her, moms are alike no matter they are in Kapurthala or in Kerala. Hopefully I'm going to fly on 20th and no idea where I'll stay :( and she is worried, he is happy and I'm good.My best friend complains me of carelessness which I pour towards her, I'm not so glad to register her complain in my nerves, sometimes she really irritates me but not more than I irritate her ahhahahha, no idea if I'll be able to make a general or sleeper coach upside. :| "Tu jaane naa" I'm not the one who is saying it , Atif is singing on this stupid Philps mp3 cum mp4 player and belongs to my elder cousin who will be leaving New Delhi today morning, he arrived from Chennai last day, he is an electronics engineer and his tummy came out not like mine of course ahem ahem! in positive sense. Don't you guys think I'm soo soooo sooo random, kaha se kaha chala jaata hoo (I slide to Iceland from Greenland)hey do you guys know that Greenland is not green and is fully covered with white snow and Iceland is totally green, isn't it stupid? Come on everything is stupid once in a while, like see buttons, what a name? lets see if we call it button and imagine some really round guys with round eyes and poor face and molested by index finger and thumb. Yes, global warming bhai log, are we going to die? yes, sure we are, I watched 2012 badha badha ke and I was scared, mama calls it a faltu movie because she doesn't like to watch sinking ships and death, she prefers Amma jee ki serials on television , what a lame storyline you find in those series and yes look at the programs how strange and witty they sound. I always wanted to hack Star Plus but when I grew up then I realised I can watch my programs on a different tv woof! and this new channel Colors, is so , is so... is so lets find or invent or coin a new word Irritateohyperichorriblic but that is what mom likes. Mama nai paratha banaya hai with zabardast aako ki bhaji and gobi bhi hai with green chutney (someone smied). I better go now.

Love *

“That’s why I always hated boys, boys are worth hatred and you’re one of them.”
I was well aware of her anger and I welcomed her warmly to pour her anger on me, it was alright to me anyway. I was questioned like FBI does in the movies, why you needed to go to the station and see her? Why are you letting everyone use you? Why you have to stop and say hi and bye to everyone and why everyone including strangers are your friend, no matter how cheap they are! The moment I said sorry, she fired a long sorry back to me with tears tears and yes tears. Dude, I tell you what , it is really unbearable to see her sad then you can imagine how it feels to see her crying and it gets worse when she cry like little kinder garden babies with a loud voice ahahhwa and what you do is hug her like those fat thieves in the shopping mall who steal packets of stuff and are not ready to leave those stuff nor want to run without them. No, she won’t let you do that so easily, she will push you and your hands away and cry louder and you will beg her, “hey mom will hear you crying and question me , please Im so sorry”
“No, Im sorry. Im a fool.”
“I ask you why you have to go and see off her if you really don’t want to see her?”
It was the last time, she called me twice and I didn’t care to reply her texts and that is so mean so I planned to meet her, I took you with my self, I asked you before we depart to the station.
“You decided yourself that you’ve to go , you’ve to meet her and why you think it is appropriate to ask me now, why a permission now? Did you ask me when you planned these and took all the decisions yourself?”
I was standing still and was mentally sick of myself.
"Do you know there are two kind of trains one which stops at every stoppage and one which starts and stops to its destination only, be the later one."
Thanks God things came up and disappeared, I was loved.

I erase myself again.